Hey everyone! It’s been ages since I last posted anything, and if you’ve been following me for a while, you might be wondering where I am. I’m sorry for not posting for a while and for not responding to any comments for the last few months. 😅
So I popped by here and wanted to give you all some update in my life. It’s not all rosy though, and I should include a trigger warning here for abuse. 🙁
In a previous post, I wrote in the passing that I’m no longer in contact with my parents. Long story short, my father is an authoritarian whose words were absolute commands, and he lashed out at me when I suggested that my parents take their argument (in the family chat group) elsewhere, to the point I had to block him on my phone. My mother sided with him and said “But he’s your father!” and “But he’s had an abusive childhood!” and stuff, as if it justified my father’s abusive words. 🙁
The worse part? My sister, who was living with them at the time, was growing increasingly stressed with them, and eventually it escalated to the point she was basically thrown out of her house. Luckily I’m able to take her in, and now she’s staying with me. 🙂
That was a few months ago, but I’m still trying to process the feelings from then. Anger at them for they way they had treated my sister and brothers, sadness that there were no love or even warmth in our life, grieving the loss of hope that we’d ever have a normal parent-child relationship. Having flashbacks of my childhood where I was screamed at while having my books swept off the cupboard onto the floors, locked up for days, thrown out of the house, having my father threatening to kill us children when in major arguments with my mother, been told “I don’t know what’s wrong with you” and “You’ll have to work hard to regain our trust” when I almost took my own life due to depression, sexually harassed by my own father as a teenager. All that and yet, they demanded respect from me while not giving me any. All I have learned from my childhood is that life is meaningless, my parents are scary, and that’s why we will never be close even if I’d never cut off contact. I’ve held off writing much about them on this blog because I feel bad “defaming” them, but maybe it’s about time?
The main reason why I haven’t been posting is because I’ve been having trouble getting the motivation to do anything more than the bare minimum lately. I suspect I may be having mild depression again; thankfully no thoughts of taking my own life, though I’m thinking of having my first ever therapist appointment, once my company finishes their process of switching to a new provider. 🙂
On a lighter note, my husband, sister and I not-so-recently rescued an approximately-8-weeks-old kitten from our apartment car park, and now he’s staying happily with us! He’s such a little bundle of energy that I tire out first when playing with him. 😅 He’s a cute little thing though, pretty much sticks to us and follow us around. 😸
That’s about it for updates. I won’t be able to post anything or respond to comments for a while more until I get myself sorted, but do know I appreciate your reading and comments. Thanks for reading and hope I’ll be back soon. 😀