Relationships, Culture & Society

Collaboration with a Purpose: Love โ€“ There’s No One Right Way to Love

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Here we are, on the the day the February Collaboration with a Purpose posts appear throughout several blogs! Yay! ๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽˆ

In my introduction post yesterday, I called February the month of love โ€“ many people consider it that because of Valentine’s Day that falls on the 14th โ€“ but even though Valentine’s Day is the day to celebrate romantic love, we thought why not expand it to all kinds of love? Familial love, romantic love, friend love, pet love, love for hobbies, love for places, any form of love is still love โ€“ just because society expects every man and woman to be coupled up doesn’t mean we have to; we can still be single and be full of love!

(Though of course, I can’t write much about being single as I’m happily married to my dear husband! And you may find it interesting that our wedding anniversary is on 14th February every year, which was my idea that he agreed to; it’s easier to remember an anniversary if it falls on a popular date, though it does make it hard to have a nice dinner outside as most restaurants are fully booked. ๐Ÿ˜†โค)


Love?

Ah, love. It’s such an abstract emotion, so much that two of the common question Uncle Google gets are “how do I know I’m in love?” and “how do I know s/he’s the one for me?” when it comes to romantic love.

Many times I’ve read a romance novel where there’s an instant connection between the main couple โ€“ their hearts flip! Fireworks fly! Butterflies flutter in their stomachs! Their bodies burn with passion! โ€“ from the first moment they met. I like to watch cartoons (hey, I’m a kid at heart ๐Ÿ˜†) and this happens with a lot of Disney cartoons too. And what about fairy tales where the main characters decide they love each other from the get go and live happily ever after? It’s such a popular trope that I’m sure you’ve encountered it at least once somewhere!

Yep, popular media love to depict romantic love as something fast and furious and exciting. Then again, a slow, boring movie isn’t the most popular, right?

But not everyone loves the fast and furious way. Sure, there are people who get crushes on just about everyone, but there are also people who don’t get crushes much (if at all). There are people who don’t enjoy certain foods, but eventually grow to love them. There are people who aren’t cat people, but eventually grow to love a family member’s pet cat too. ๐Ÿ˜ธ


Slow Love?

I have a confession โ€“ I’m a slow lover. Whenever I encounter something, being the cautious type, I usually pause for a while. I’m not one of those people who meets anything (or anyone) new with ENTHUSIASM, and instead I’d give an “Uh, okay, why not?” kind of response. ๐Ÿ˜…

Like with food, for example. Despite growing up in Southeast Asia where spicy food is prevalent (so much that most people eat McDonald’s fries with chili sauce instead of ketchup!), I grew up disliking spicy food. I didn’t see the appeal in burning my mouth when I ate and didn’t really enjoy curry and all the spicy food. And yet, for the past ten years, I’ve slowly grown to love spicy food. I still prefer them not so spicy โ€“ I want to be able to taste my food! โ€“ but every now and then I crave them. Especially Japanese food with wasabi. ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿœ

Another example being, my best buddy from school and I didn’t start out being immediate best buddies. We did hang out every now and then, but usually in big groups. Then somehow we got together towards the end of high school and became best buddies for the next 10 years! ๐Ÿ˜€

Even when it comes to my husband, my first impression back then was he was nice to hang out with. I didn’t get all the INSTANT SPARK BUTTERFLY EFFECT MY TRUE LOVE kind of feeling, but I was really happy when he asked me to be his girlfriend and many years later when he proposed to me. Yet, my feelings for him now โ€“ after a total of 12 years since we met โ€“ are more solid than ever. โค

And even with video games! It’s quite rare for me to find a game that I fall in love with at first play; instead I enjoy video games the more I play them over time, and I even enjoy the games I’ve been playing on and off for twenty years. ๐ŸŽฎ


Is It Love?

I say it is! Despite the lack of fireworks and butterflies like what popular media depicts, I care very deeply for my dear husband. I also care deeply for my best buddy even if we didn’t hit it off from the get go, and we still hit it off now. And I can safely say I love and enjoy spicy food!

I believe there’s no one right way to love. Just because it doesn’t conform to society’s ideal of love doesn’t mean it’s not love. There’s no one right way to love, as love knows no bounds. โค


Hope you enjoyed this little piece! What do you think? What kind of love do you usually have? Do let me know below. ๐Ÿ˜€

~Nicolle โค

A Short Self-Compassionate Letter

Dear Self,

Love certainly knows no bounds. โค


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32 thoughts on “Collaboration with a Purpose: Love โ€“ There’s No One Right Way to Love

  1. Thanks for sharing your love story. Can you detail it next time? Haha. I’m always a sucker for love stories and happy endings. Wow, your anniversary falls on 14th February huh. So sweet of you. Double celebration: Valentine’s day and anniversary. And thank you for what you said about falling in love. It happens differently to people despite what the popular media says about sparks and butterflies. Look at you two, 12 years? Wow. Congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your anniversary is 14th February… now that’s the sort of cheesy cuteness I love. Wow and I never knew y’all have been together for that long. It won’t be long before I join you celebrate your silver jubilee.

    Great post. I love how you show the different parts of this body of love present in our world today. Beautifully brilliant post, Nikki.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, itโ€™s cheesy, though we did it for a practical reason – itโ€™s an easy date to remember! We did the same for our dating and engagement anniversaries and I still somehow remember the dates. ๐Ÿ˜†

      Thanks for reading, commenting and the kind words, Jainey! โค๏ธ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks! Haha, so far I remember the date we started dating and the date we got engaged, but the date we met? I can remember the date but not the month since it wasnโ€™t a holiday. ๐Ÿ˜†

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Nice, happy birthday in advance! ๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽˆ
      Also, Iโ€™m glad and happy you enjoying our Collaboration with a Purpose posts! We certainly do enjoy writing them. ๐Ÿ˜€

      Like

  3. True, media does depict hilarious background musics and butterfly feeling for people in love, too cheesy, real life is so different. Your husband is such a lucky man to have humorous Nicolle as his wife. 14 th feb is your wedding anniversary, that’s cheesy but cute. A cute post with some slow love advice for people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks very much for reading and commenting, Sadaf, and for the kind words! We have our anniversary on a popular date not because of the romantic idea, but because itโ€™s easy to remember. ๐Ÿ˜†

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I vote slow love too. I thought my hubby was the nice friend. He was attractive, but not my type. Well, my type caused instant attraction and zero substance. Love evolves and becomes better with time! So happy for you and your hubby. I didn’t realize you two have been together for so long!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Iโ€™m glad that worked out well for you and I agree love evolves and gets better over time! And thanks for the happy wishes. My husband and I have been together for so long it doesnโ€™t feel right for me to be without him now. โค๏ธ

      Random story time: Iโ€™ve never gotten instant attraction to a guy (or anyone or anything in particular), and funnily enough, whenever my sister / friends commented on a guy they find cute/hot, Iโ€™d be like, โ€œ…is that what people consider cute/hot?โ€ In my high school days, I wondered if I was โ€œnormalโ€ because I never did find those guys cute/hot. At least now I know itโ€™s because Iโ€™m a slow lover. ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I loved it, Nicolle! ๐Ÿ™‚ You’re right that there’s no one way to love. And I personally think that if you can love with your mind and heart and soul all at once, it’s a lot deeper and richer anyway; if you just leap with your body, what’s the point of that? (As you say, it’s great for romance novels. Not so great for real life, for certain.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Iโ€™m glad you loved it! I agree with a whole mind, heart and soul love is deeper than just a body love. โค๏ธ
      There was a time when I was much younger where I wondered if the way I love is wrong, since I never get butterflies or fireworks effects, but no longer, hence this post. ๐Ÿ˜€
      (And I never got those romance novels with fireworks! If I do introduce romance in my next original novel, Iโ€™ll try writing my kind of love in it. โค๏ธ)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad you wrote this blog, ’cause it’s so important for people to know that love means so very much if you can get everything: mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. But without the first three, what’s the point of the last one? (It’s nice, I suppose, but there’s nothing behind it, it seems to me.)

        No, the way you love is not wrong. *hugs*

        I would love to see a romance with a realistic type of love in it. I think it would be wonderful. Can’t wait to see what you do with that premise. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m happy to hear that! I agree the physical part is nice, though it has more meaning when mental, emotional and spiritual parts come to play. ๐Ÿ˜€

        [hugs] Thanks for the kind words! Really appreciate it. โค

        Haha, I’m more of a fantasy / adventure with a slight romance subplot kind of novelist, but I’ll see what I can do. ๐Ÿ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

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